| October 1, 2006 | I'm Very Knowledgeable About Purses and Janet Jackson's Breasts... |
People have been asking for a link to see the ABC News Yahoo! Top 5 video segment that Heather, LJ, and I appear on each week.  OK, you can have a peak, but only if you promise not to make fun of me for blushing when I talk about Chanel handbags and Janet Jackson getting all naked on magazine covers. Check out the video. Is this what you all expected when I majored in American Culture at Vassar? That I'd build a career of knowing where to find knock-off Gucci bags online and what the story is behind Janet Jackson's "invisible daughter..." Yeah, I thought so, too. Labels: abcnews, americanculture, gucci, handbag, purse, vassar, video, yahoo, yahootop5 posted by Jess Barron @ 4:37 PM 
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| June 15, 2006 | You Can Lead a Whore to Vassar... |
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"You can lead a whore to Vassar, but you can't make her think." -Frederick B. Artz, noted medieval historian  For some inexplicable reason, we went back to Poughkeepsie, New York to celebrate the Vassar Class of 1996 10-year reunion. Thankfully, there was a lot of drinking. You can look at the pictures. It struck me that ten years is somehow both a very long and a very short amount of time. And I'm not the only person who had profound thoughts. In one of the bathroom stalls in Josselyn dorm, one of my classmates scrawled in black Sharpie marker: "I love Vassar, but my girlfriend won't." Ah, the coed college bathrooms of my youth. Being back at Vassar, I realized it was probably the only place where Chris, Mindy, Erik, and I could all pee standing/sitting alongside each other. Ah, co-education is a beautiful thing, despite what one of the women from the (female only) class of 1946 exclaimed loudly at my classmates. Little did she know that by far the most popular party during my time at Vassar was the annual Homo Hop. The other Vassar 10th reunion take-away I will share is that those tiny twin-sized dorm beds with plastic mattresses are completely uncomfortable and I have no idea how we ever slept in them. Nevermind, with more than one person in a bed. Which reminds me... "If all the girls at Vassar were laid end to end... I wouldn't be at all surprised." - Dorothy Parker As I said, you can look at the pictures. Nothing too risque this time. The five-year reunion was a bit more lively. Does this mean we're *gasp* getting old? Have you been ever been to your high school or college reunion? If so what did you think? Labels: chris, college, mindy, pee, photos, reunion, vassar posted by Jess Barron @ 10:45 PM
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| July 14, 2005 | "Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous." |
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Sam Beauregarde: What is this Wonka, some kind of funhouse? Willy Wonka: Why? Are you having fun? --"Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" (1971) Last night I went to see a Walk-In Movie on Potrero Hill (my old 'hood which I've lovingly photographed again and again over the past few years). Walk-In Movies are put on by my friend and Yahoo! co-worker Derek. The movie was the original 1971 version of "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory." The last time I saw it was 10 years ago when it was played at Vassar's trippy Founder's Day. The weather was great -- not too cold, although we needed to wear scarves and hats and long coats. (It is, after all, San Francisco in the summertime.) Jason, Jackson, Andy, and August were there. And I brought Bocce with me too. The setting was gorgeous; the movies was projected on the side of a house and beside it was a view of the city and the Bay Bridge. I didn't have my digital camera with me, but here's a photo Jason took. (And here's what Jason wrote about it on SF Metroblogs. Gene Wilder's portrayal of Wonka is creepy, but it still seems like deep down his Wonka has a heart. (I'm wondering if Johnny Depp's Michael Jackson-ish Wonka will).) That scene where Wonka is driving the paddle boat through the tunnel scared me to death as child. It's still pretty freaky as an adult. With its flamboyant costumes, strange images projected on the walls and darkness and day-glow paint this scene reminds me of Ken Kesey's mid-1960s "Acid Tests," (which now that I think of it, were still probably figuring prominently in people's minds as the 1970s began and this first Wonka movie was being made). On of the father's in the movie, actually has a line where he says, "What is this, Wonka, some kind of freak-out?" Tim Burton allegedly hates the original 1971 "Wonka" movie, which I found a bit shocking, because it's truly dark, twisted, and funny in a way which I had assumed he would appreciate. Sure, it's a bit cheesy at times, but that just makes it more fun in a campy way. Check out these snippets of dialogue. Gene Wilder, apparently, is not very happy to hear they're re-making it There were elements to the original film which certainly deserve a modern re-make. For example, the scene where Wonka shows the children and their parents his chocolate river and candy meadow. When I saw this scene as a 5-year-old in the late 1970s, I thought it was incredible and magical. Now, in 2005, the candy meadow looks obviously fake, dingy and sort of sad. I also found myself wondering what had become of the child actors in the film. Lucky for me, Mike who writes Ask Yahoo! recently researched the answer to this question. If you're still left wanting to find out more about the 1971 film and cast, you should check out this documentary "Pure Imagination: The Story of 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.'" Have you seen the original 1971 "Wonka"? Did you like it or hate it? Are you looking forward to the new Tim Burton version? Labels: movie, sanfrancisco, sf, vassar posted by Jess Barron @ 11:46 AM
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| February 2, 2004 | Yes, Doug Faneuil Went to My College |
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Yes, as those readers who pay attention are already aware -- yes, I went to college with Doug Faneuil, the government's "star witness" in the case against Martha Stewart. One of my close friends even hooked up with the guy. And this week, the poor kid is getting grilled on the stand about his drug use (a little ecstacy, some pot, and a bit of Special K) and some saucy email jokes involving goats that he sent via company email while he worked at Merrill Lynch. I'm starting to realize that one of the chief benefits of a Vassar education is that I can network with people like Doug Faneuil, Ethan Zohn (who won 'Survivor: Africa' in what had to be Vassar's hottest wet dream), and various members of the "Hollywood elite." But, then again, I spent most of my time at Vassar working on the school newspaper with people like Jon Swerdloff, Gabe Anderson, Anastasia Signoretta and Amanda Spielman. Here's a photo of The Misc's newspaper staff back in 1995 when I was Editor-In-Chief. (I'm the one in the back row flailing a Blow-pop.)
posted by Jess Barron @ 5:21 PM
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| January 11, 2002 | Vassar's Wet Dream |
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"This is Vassar's wet dream!" Mindy squealed, as Ethan Zohn won Survivor. "I mean c'mon, he's a heterosexual male and he's an athelete..." "Yeah, no one's gonna think it's an all girls school anymore... This is almost like when you worked in the school's publicity department and you were making the recruitment videos, and you wouldn't use me as a stand-in because I wasn't black or male or athletic or Asian," I responded, still bitter from missing my big break in Vassar's promotional video due to my white female majority status. "What I want to know," said Adam a.k.a. Atom, "Is do they get one million dollars and then have the 40% taxes taken out or do they give them enough money so that they have a million after taxes?" "I can't believe our classmate won Survivor!" Mindy said. "Yeah, if someone from Vassar was going to win Survivor, I would've expected it to be a catty gay boy like J.P. or a pissed-off Women's Studies major," I said. Mindy immediately called Helen on her cell phone, and I called Allyson who is at CES in Vegas, and probably right now shaking her ass at Rum Jungle. (Oh, I'm not jealous. Noooooo. But what if she's hanging out with Bill?!) Allyson didn't answer, so I didn't even know if she knew yet that Ethan won. Damn. No She Said, She Said tonight. After that we thought about who else to call, and I ended up calling Lee to point out how, once again, Vassar's superiority to his alma mater Occidental College (which incidentally goes by the nickname of "Oxy," Eww!) has been made evident. We considered calling J.P. because he's such a pop culture addict, but I remembered how he keeps telling me that he doesn't watch reality TV because his own life is much more interesting. Perhaps the best part about Ethan winning Survivor is that I won $80 in my office's Survivor pool. It may not be a million dollars, but it's enough to buy me a few cocktails (even at San Francisco prices). After the Survivor excitement Mindy and Adam busted out Dance Dance Revolution and started jumpin' around my living space. And then Mindy and I busted into the duet that she and I are singing Saturday night during my birthday festivities at The Mint. My birthday is coming up very soon. We're celebrating two days early on Saturday night. What song should I karaoke? People keep asking me what I did on New Year's Eve, and it's not such an easy question to answer: "Ummm, well, we built drunken pyramids on my kitchen floor and scared the dog." Seriously, how the hell do I explain what was going on in this photo?. Heather also posted some New Year's pics on her site too. Labels: allyson, jp, lee, mindy, sanfrancisco, sf, vassar posted by Jess Barron @ 7:01 PM
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| August 6, 2001 | Nostalgia for the Present |
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It's been a while since I've been here (and I suppose "right here, right now" used to exist over there over a year ago). I was going to create yet another new place to put immediate stray thoughts, but then I realized that I already had a container for immediate stray thoughts that had been abandoned almost a year-and-a-half ago. And the container wasn't too shabby either. And it's name is ever-appropriate for me. "Nostalgia for the Present" was what I called the weekly pop culture column I wrote for my college newspaper. Since I'm already doing some kind of electronic recycling by revitalizing this section on my site, I decided to dig a bit deeper and unearth some (fairly dated and embarassing) pieces I wrote for Vassar's Miscellany News back in 1995 and 1996 which no one has ever seen before (because I have purposely kept them off of my website). Pieces like Countdown to the Void, Thirteen Things to Do When You're Wired at Vassar, and then my oddball exit from the column when I became Editor-in-chief of the paper. There are letters to the editor like this one inspired by this column of mine and this odd one inspired by my presence (or lack thereof). It freaks me out that that stuff is still out there floating around. Labels: journalism, nostalgia, vassar, writing posted by Jess Barron @ 12:22 PM
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| March 29, 2000 | Scour=Seinfeld 90210 |
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I really *am* living inside a cartoon, or perhaps some twisted-micro-topic-dissecting Seinfeldian sitcom. Yesterday at the office (i.e. Scour.com in the 90210), Camille was telling me about her bizarre mayonnaise phobias (brought on by working at a sandwhich shop with a woman who licked the spoon while transferring a large vat of said oily-eggy substance into smaller containers) while we were snacking in our office's kitchen (which like kitchens at most decent start-up companies is always well-stocked with Pop Tarts, Red Vines, Kit Kats -- I couldn't find a website for Kit Kats, but I did find The Kit Kat Ranch, a bordello in Nevada, Corn Nuts, M&Ms, Pretzels, assorted sodas, and Perrier), when Kris wandered in. Overhearing our conversation, she said, "You think that's gross? You wanna her something really gross?" and then proceeded to tell us about the "universal sponge." According to Kris, one of her girlfriends is married to a guy who used to do something very dubious in his bachelor days. When this friend of Kris's was first dating this guy, she discovered that he would use a sponge to clean his toilet, and then use that very same sponge to wash dishes. It was his "universal sponge." Camille and I were shocked and repulsed. Caroline (who was photocopying in the vicinity) could not believe it either. The way we see it, sponges can make a progressive one-way transition through household tasks (for instance, you can use a sponge to wash dishes for a week or so and then when it gets older it can be used for cleaning counter tops or the sink and then when its even older, it can be used to clean in the bathroom), BUT once a sponge is used for something other than dishwashing, it CANNOT make the move back to being a dishwashing sponge. There need to be some lines drawn. You should not have a "universal sponge." Apparently, this guy has learned the error of his ways and now subscribes to the separatist transitional theory of sponge usage. In any case, I'm just glad I never ate dinner at his house. Later in the evening, I was eating take out vegetarian in the conference room with the rest of the web development team, when it came up that I had gone to school at Vassar (that kind of stuff always comes up -- that's precisely why people go to sorta pretentious-y schools like Vassar in the first place) and Ilya, one of our site's founding engineers, said, "Oh. You went to Vassar? I know some people who went to Vassar." "Were they guys or girls?" I asked. (A fairly reasonable question.) "I'm not sure," he responded. "You don't know your friends' genders?!?" I started cracking up. He explained that he couldn't remember which of his friends went to Vassar, and therefore since he didn't know which friends were the ones, he wasn't sure of the genders. I guess it makes sense. Sort of. From there, we heartily launched into the topic of whether robots had genders. We all agreed that we naturally assumed that R2-D2 and C-3PO (sci-fi savants the web engineers immediately announced they were played by Kenny Baker and Anthony Daniels) were male, although R2's gender is left somewhat ambiguous. Out of nowhere, John insisted that Moffit the Daggit from BattleStar Galactica was played by a monkey. Nobody else believed him. "That's an urban legend. Moffit was just a puppet," Shac said. So, we pulled up the Internet Movie Database on the overhead projector, and did a search for Battlestar Galactica, and found that Moffit wasn't listed. That didn't solve any of our problems. "Does the IMDB not list animal actors?" I wondered, appalled at this unfair treatment. Sure enough, we looked up Lassie, and there wasn't even a mention of the series' star. Then we returned to our Daggit debate, and after some dedicated searching on John's part, we found The Battlestar Galactica episode guide which tells that Moffit the Daggit is played by "Evie the chimp." Score one for John. Labels: camille, la, losangeles, scour, vassar, web posted by Jess Barron @ 4:55 PM
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