| March 29, 2000 | The Queen of Whale Cay, and Other Office Oddities |
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I almost forgot to tell you about this really weird book that Camille and Tim were talking about the other day while we were hanging out in the Scour office. It's called The Queen of Whale Cay, and you had better click on the link and read the description, because I cannot possibly describe it. I'll give you the first sentence of their description to titilate you in case you're feeling too lazy to click: "British eccentric Marion "Joe" Carstairs (1900-1993) was a world-class speedboat racer, heiress to the Standard Oil fortune, ruler of her own Caribbean Island ... and a cross-dressing lesbian." And be sure to take a look at the cover up close. Did you notice the little doll on her shoulder? Why that's her inseperable companion -- Lord Tod Wadley. I'm not kidding. Of course, I think she sounds like a really interesting woman. She had an affair with Marlene Dietrich, after all. I added the book to my Amazon.com wish list, in case anyone out there is feeling benevolent... Wow, I learn so many unexpected things at my office... For instance, did you know that Moffit the Daggit from Battlestar Gallactica was played by a chimp named Evie? See this other post for more details. posted by Jess Barron @ 6:01 PM 
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| Scour=Seinfeld 90210 |
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I really *am* living inside a cartoon, or perhaps some twisted-micro-topic-dissecting Seinfeldian sitcom. Yesterday at the office (i.e. Scour.com in the 90210), Camille was telling me about her bizarre mayonnaise phobias (brought on by working at a sandwhich shop with a woman who licked the spoon while transferring a large vat of said oily-eggy substance into smaller containers) while we were snacking in our office's kitchen (which like kitchens at most decent start-up companies is always well-stocked with Pop Tarts, Red Vines, Kit Kats -- I couldn't find a website for Kit Kats, but I did find The Kit Kat Ranch, a bordello in Nevada, Corn Nuts, M&Ms, Pretzels, assorted sodas, and Perrier), when Kris wandered in. Overhearing our conversation, she said, "You think that's gross? You wanna her something really gross?" and then proceeded to tell us about the "universal sponge." According to Kris, one of her girlfriends is married to a guy who used to do something very dubious in his bachelor days. When this friend of Kris's was first dating this guy, she discovered that he would use a sponge to clean his toilet, and then use that very same sponge to wash dishes. It was his "universal sponge." Camille and I were shocked and repulsed. Caroline (who was photocopying in the vicinity) could not believe it either. The way we see it, sponges can make a progressive one-way transition through household tasks (for instance, you can use a sponge to wash dishes for a week or so and then when it gets older it can be used for cleaning counter tops or the sink and then when its even older, it can be used to clean in the bathroom), BUT once a sponge is used for something other than dishwashing, it CANNOT make the move back to being a dishwashing sponge. There need to be some lines drawn. You should not have a "universal sponge." Apparently, this guy has learned the error of his ways and now subscribes to the separatist transitional theory of sponge usage. In any case, I'm just glad I never ate dinner at his house. Later in the evening, I was eating take out vegetarian in the conference room with the rest of the web development team, when it came up that I had gone to school at Vassar (that kind of stuff always comes up -- that's precisely why people go to sorta pretentious-y schools like Vassar in the first place) and Ilya, one of our site's founding engineers, said, "Oh. You went to Vassar? I know some people who went to Vassar." "Were they guys or girls?" I asked. (A fairly reasonable question.) "I'm not sure," he responded. "You don't know your friends' genders?!?" I started cracking up. He explained that he couldn't remember which of his friends went to Vassar, and therefore since he didn't know which friends were the ones, he wasn't sure of the genders. I guess it makes sense. Sort of. From there, we heartily launched into the topic of whether robots had genders. We all agreed that we naturally assumed that R2-D2 and C-3PO (sci-fi savants the web engineers immediately announced they were played by Kenny Baker and Anthony Daniels) were male, although R2's gender is left somewhat ambiguous. Out of nowhere, John insisted that Moffit the Daggit from BattleStar Galactica was played by a monkey. Nobody else believed him. "That's an urban legend. Moffit was just a puppet," Shac said. So, we pulled up the Internet Movie Database on the overhead projector, and did a search for Battlestar Galactica, and found that Moffit wasn't listed. That didn't solve any of our problems. "Does the IMDB not list animal actors?" I wondered, appalled at this unfair treatment. Sure enough, we looked up Lassie, and there wasn't even a mention of the series' star. Then we returned to our Daggit debate, and after some dedicated searching on John's part, we found The Battlestar Galactica episode guide which tells that Moffit the Daggit is played by "Evie the chimp." Score one for John. Labels: camille, la, losangeles, scour, vassar, web posted by Jess Barron @ 4:55 PM
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| March 27, 2000 | Living in LA Is Like Living Inside a Cartoon |
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I've said it once, and I'll say it again: living in L.A. is like living inside a cartoon. It is everything that spending my formative years within inches of a television screen prepared me for. Sometimes when I'm walking through my well-manicured West L.A. neighborhood under palm trees and sunny skies, I expect a team of key grips to come through and slide away the lush back-drop. It's as if everything around you has been digitally enhanced. Flowers are blooming year-round; you can always smell Eucalyptus trees and honeysuckle. And my neighbors even talk to me when I pass them on the street! But, get this: I work for a start-up Web company (Scour.com), and our office is on Maple Drive in Beverly Hills. How many start-up companies have offices in the 90210 zip code?! If I didn't know any better, I'd swear I was on television. Labels: la, losangeles, scour, tv posted by Jess Barron @ 9:54 PM
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| March 26, 2000 | The Perils of Web Production |
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On Friday Allyson sent me Project Zapster, the Sucksters' silly scheme for ending Napster's reign. (Speaking of Napster, did you hear about Wrapster?) Then today she sent me Carl Steadman's latest -- Let's Do Launch, which is hysterical and 100% accurate. If you read that and Can We Go Live With This?, you'll know everything you need to know about a day-job in Web Production. But don't tell anyone at Scour that you heard about that here. I don't wanna end up like these peeps. posted by Jess Barron @ 6:04 PM
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| March 20, 2000 | My In-box's Loss Will Be Your Gain |
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On the orders of the IS guy at my work (Scour.com), I'm cleaning out my Microsoft Outlook in-box, because apparently I'm taking up way too much space on the company mail server. I hate to delete stuff; I save everything. It's a disease. I'm an electronic pack-rat. I guess I'm just afraid that for some reason I'm going to need that e-mail from December 16, 1999 telling me about cool myCaster online radio stations or the one from December 14, 1999 sending me to Chickenhead's Geriatric Erotica site. My In-Box's loss will be your gain. I will now post some of the zany URLs that my friends and co-workers have sent me over the past 4 months: posted by Jess Barron @ 5:55 PM
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| March 16, 2000 | Viper Room, Part 2 |
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This email chain was in response to Allyson's email about our star-studded evening at the Viper Room's secret Cult show... -----Original Message----- From: Jess Barron [mailto:jessb@poprocks.com] Sent: Thursday, March 16, 2000 3:14 AM To: "Allyson" Subject: Viper Room Cult show reported about on Alloy.com Hey Allyson, I just noticed a report about our Viper Room/Guinness Toast party on Alloy.com. Go to: http://www.alloy.com/a2k/todayinalloy/newsandgossip/ and scroll down to the entry for March 6 where you'll see: THE GUINNESS WORLD RECORD Looks like all you need to do to get stars to participate in a publicity stunt for free is serve them beer - lots and lots of beer. At least, that worked for Guinness, the Irish beer company that organized a 60-city, 300,000 person toast to (what else?) the wonders of Guinness in order to make it into the 2001 Guinness Book of World Records in the category of "Largest Simultaneous Toast." Joining the L.A. toast party at the Viper Room were such celebs as Johnny Depp, Tori Spelling, David Boreanaz, Alyssa Milano, Edward Furlong, Donovan Leitch, Rose McGowan, Matthew McConaughey, Vince Vaughn, Steven Dorff, and Paul Rudd. Sounds like quite a kegger! If you scroll further down to February 11, you'll see a report mentioning Monica L's boyfriend Jeff (Boggs) who writes for the Tom Green show. I coulda scooped them on *that* story. He convinced her to go on the show, the night they were out at Lava Lounge with me... MONICA LEWINSKY TO BE ON THE TOM GREEN SHOW Think that the Tom Green episode where he gave his parents lawn, er, art was funny? Well, that's nothing compared to what he's got planned next: Tom, Monica Lewinsky, and a camera crew, all in Tom's hometown together. Check this itinerary: First night in town, make a late-night visit to Tom's parent's bedroom. Next day, have Monica pose for a an Ottawa Sun feature on local beauties. Stop for coffee. Steal coffee filters to wear as hats. Toy with reporters by promising to make "a major announcement" about Monica and Tom's status as a couple soon, even though Monica is already seeing Jeff Boggs, one of Tom Green's producers. (So THAT'S how she ended up on the show.) We can't wait for this episode to air! -----Original Message----- From: Allyson Sent: Thursday, March 16, 2000 9:53 AM To: 'Jess Barron' Subject: RE: Viper Room Cult show reported about on Alloy.com WE MISSED TORI SPELLING?!?! Ooops, I mean... WE MISSED JOHNNY DEPP?!?! Labels: allyson, famous, la, losangeles posted by Jess Barron @ 2:14 PM
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| March 15, 2000 | Ray Santamaria's "Starwhore" Email About our Scour Lunch |
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An email my friend Ray sent out after our starstudded Scour lunch today at The Newsroom: -----Original Message----- From: "Ray" Sent: Wednesday, March 15, 2000 5:09 PM To: the Scour peeps Subject: Starwhore Newsletter #2 Circulation, 11 Dear Reader, I hope you enjoyed the first edition of the Star Sighting Newsletter, now titled, Starwhore Newsletter. In addition, please be aware that I spoke out of turn by providing the URL of Starwhore.com. Unfortunately, as luck would have it, it's taken. While I'm negotiating the purchase of Starwhore.com (I don't usually have $15 mil in my bank) you can reach us at Starwhore.org. Anyway, we have a fun filled Newsletter for you that I'd like to call "Five Finger Discount." Read on and enjoy! Ray Santamaria Editor In Chief, Starwhore.org Five Finger Discount It was all about five today. I checked my horror scope, but no numbers. What is the meaning of five today? My soul was searching for the truth as I hopped into the car with my four friends for our secret rendezvous at the inconspicuous Newsroom Cafe. As the five of us (hmmm, five...) walked in, my heart, among other things, began to pound as the first female I noticed in the place was none other than Superman's girlfriend herself, Lois Lane. No, not crazy Margot Kidder. She's off in an alley somewhere bumming Prozac. I'm talking about sexy, anorexic Terri Hatcher. I had no idea who the dweeb was, but who's looking? For a split second we looked at each other. There was something in our gaze. Something unsaid passing between us. I don't think she really knew it was me who farted. In my starstruck haze I realized I left my wallet back at HQ. Drats! A starwhore's worst nightmare! One of my cohorts said he would cover me. No problem. We went to sit down. But wait! Was this the day of Super Heroes? Wonder twin powers, activate! Make me into the shape of...Batman! Against the back wall of the cafe was none other than Batman himself, Michael Keaton! Wait a second! Michael...Terri. Does Superman know about this? Sure, they were at different tables, but c'mon! Coincidence? At the table, another peep of mine mentioned the Jack Frost movie that Michael Keaton did. I punched him and threw ice down his shirt for even bringing that up. I told him he should go apologize to Michael for even seeing the movie. Whatever. But, Jesus, he is losing his hair isn't he? Blah, Blah, Blah. Yeah, I forgot, that punk rock kid from Son of Sam was waiting next to us for a table. Adrian Brody. What's he done lately? He was waiting for a table just like us. Puleeeeeze. So, my secret agent team and I enjoy our meal and try to hide our identities by not looking around the room too much. The key to being incognito is to avoid eye contact. It was working till I noticed a young man in dark sun glasses and a tacky suit. He looked like he was in the mob, or even in the CIA pretending to be in the mob. My crew and I pondered the possibilities only to realize its Michael Imperioli (loose cannon "Christopher" on the Sopranos). Wow. He really gets into character, doesn't he? Didn't he have something to do with Son of Sam? Another colleague says he was a writer.Hmmm. Coincidence? We also saw Michael on the way out of the garage. He got into the back of a Nissan Altima. Hmmm. His character recently got shot. Coincidence? Just when you think it's over, it's not. We're eating. Having a good conversation. There's this woman at the table across from us. She's facing me. Why won't she look at me?Ê I'm wearing Maharishi! I put product in my hair this morning! What gives? Probably a dyke! Whoa! It is! It's Sandra Bernhart! I won't hold it against her. As you can see, it was a very exhausting lunch. Five secret agents who had their privacy invaded by five stars (and two Internet geeks).What can you do? I'll tell you. Get your lunch for free, beeeee-aaaaaahtch! Labels: famous, la, losangeles, scour posted by Jess Barron @ 6:00 PM
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| March 1, 2000 | Allyson's Email Following the Secret Cult Show |
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An email Allyson wrote to her friends after her weekend in LA, where I took her out to the Viper Room for The Cult's secret show (thanks to Ray): _______________________________ From: "Allyson" To: everyone CC: jessb@poprocks.com Subject: LA Story Date: Tue, 29 Feb 2000 01:16:12 To all my celebrity stalking friends -- I was so fortunate to arrange a visit to LA this past weekend and to have plans with one JESS BARRON, the very same day she did secure two spots on the VIP GUEST LIST to a suprise Cult show at none other than LA's infamous Viper Room where the not-so-fortunate RIVER PHOENIX did pass his last moments on this here earth. Needless to say we experienced multiple celebrity sightings covering the worlds of music, film and television... With the highlight of our evening being my exchange with Mushmouth-style hat-donning FIONA APPLE: Me: Watch out, it's wet there. (As Fiona Apple sits next to me on a couch where someone had spilled a drink.) Fiona Apple: Oh! You're right. Me: I think someone spilled a drink. Do you want me to move over? Fiona Apple: No, I'm fine. I'm just happy to sit down for a while! (smiling, sweet) ME: Okay. Furthermore, below is the complete list of stars witnessed by Jess and myself, in no particular order: 1. DAVID BOREANAZ 2. MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY 3. FIONA APPLE 4. MARILYN MANSON 5. ROSE McGOWAN 6. ERIC ERLANDSON (from Hole) 7. TOM PETTY (possible) Not a bad take for one night out. Many thanks go to Jess for showing me the best possible of times in the world's capital for GLITZ, GLAMOUR and, as she aptly pointed out, DETACHED and UNAFFECTED Hollywood WANNABES. Long live the Viper Room, free Guinness, and waify little singers. THE END Labels: allyson, famous, la, losangeles, music posted by Jess Barron @ 9:08 PM
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